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19th Oct, 2008

Me (December)

update :)


omg i havnt wrote in ages.
been really busy these past couple of months.
im just going to keep it simple, my mom and dad are on the verge of kicking me out of the house and im on the verge of been kicked out of school
its all really complicated.
ok so all my life iv been kept under my dads wing. iv always done what my perents told me to do. i was always in on time (most of the time ok so i came in drunk but thats not the point) i had to be in by 10pm, when all my friends had to be in later. and these past few months iv just been like what the hell, this is my life and im going to live it how i want to. ok so iv taking it a stop too far, it just started off by me sneeking out when my mom and dad was in bed, then it was sneeking of for the weekend and not telling my mom and dad where i was (i was camping wth friends) then it go to the point where i would be 2 hours late in or not come home at all, then i just decided that i couldnt be botherd with school and hardly not go and when i did id get into loads of trouble.
but tbh its been these best few months of my life. i have had so much fun. iv just let my hair down and have done what i wanted to do but i guess iv taken it a step too far and im realizing that now. i mean i havent had a bad life, my mom and dad have always done the best they can for me. and iv realized im hurting them because my 2 brothers, they did what im doing and they havnt turned out too good.
and with all this going on, im in the most important year of my education, the last year of highschool, you know with all the exams and coursework and stuff.
but i might have a plan because im having so much fun with my friends im just going to keep the partying and stuff for the weekend. and the coursework and studying ill do all that throu the week, then i will have time to study and get work finished (im behind in every class) ok so im going to leave my social life for the weekends. im going to put everything right at school + at home.
+ the diet, well i did loose about a 14lbs buttttt iv been comfort eating these past few weeks and iv put it all back on if not more. yeah so that sucks but im going to try and sort that out too.
one step and a time thou because dieting is the last thing in my mind right now.

keep strong

N xoxo

6th Jun, 2008

Me (December)

i feel like shit :(

i binged again today :(
and im really mad at my slef for that and other reasons.
i guess its just one of them days.
not going to eat anything at the weekend, liquids all the way.
but iv lost like 9 pounds in like 2 weeks so its good :)
im just in a shitty mood, one of them moods where you just want to cry.
im stuck in on a friday doing homework and shit, it sucks.
but tomorrow should be good.
been off school most of this week due to illness. sucks lol.
me and the x got into a fight the other day and he said some real bad shit so i didnt talk to him but i saw him today so i fort id give him a cuddle, he wanted me to go out but i duno, that just wont work out. im not giving him what he wants after all the stuff hes said. hes a total dick sometimes but thats what you get when you get together with someone you dont really know. i dont even know myself right now lol.
i also did some real bad shit last weekend that i regret sooooo much but yeah ill get over it.
and yeah thats my moan lol

stay strong

love yah xx

30th May, 2008

Me (December)

ARGH

i binged today!!! :@
after only 4 days!
but i felt really ill this morning because i had alot to drink last night on an empty stomach so yeah that was'nt a good idea lol
ill fast again tomorrow till monday.
yeah but last night was so funny me and my friend kirsty got drunk at my grandmas house with my cus laura. me and kirsty shared a bottle of bacardi and wow did we get drunk lmao.
it was a good night.
i was suppose to be going iceskating today but i dont feel well so i didnt go.
im going to the movies tomorrow thou with some friends so it should be good.
no popcorn for me thou lmao.

keep strong people :)
love yah 
x

27th May, 2008

Me (December)

(no subject)

HEYYY:)

didnt eat over 500 clas today so thats good. tehe.
bellys grumbling a little thou lol, guess should just down a glass of water lol

erm, things with the boyfriend well x boyfriend arnt doing good.
tonight was like one of them movies where the guy walks away from the woman and the woman speed walk's off crying but he then the guy comes back and hugs her, and they live happily ever after.
well tonight was abit like that but without the happily ever after bit lol.

ahh i really do love him thou,
just not the right time like iv said.

anyways enough with that shitt lol

im going to do abit of mia tomorrow i think, as much as i hate it, im going to do it.
if i ever want to loose 6 stone! i need to do it as much as possible and try not to eat.
ill do it, i know its not going to be easy but iv got all you guys to help me.

so yeah contact me, if anyone needs anything or wants to fast!

AIM: nataliebiancax
MSN: natalie_ossett_06@hotmail.com

love you all, keep strong xx

Me (December)

Day 2

today sucks.
it really does.
wanna know why?
i'll tell you.

..

iv just recently finished with my boyfriend who i loved alot.
there where lots of reasons why i finished him.
mainly because of me, 
im not confident enough to be round him everytime he comes neer me i pull away because im too ashamed of my body.
right now i need to focus on loosing weight and school.
and i dont know if i can trust him because iv put my walls up.
and i dont want to get hurt.
but mainly because i need to change.
but so does he.

he stood outside my house for 30 mins today because he wanted to talk to me
but i just let him stand there in the rain.
i feel so bad.
deep down i do know i can trust him but im just afraid of what might happen if i do.
i made the mistake of trusting a guy a few years back and he broke my heart and that really fuked me up.
and i just dont want it to happen again.

but as i said befor what matters right now is loosing weight.
thats what comes first!
im going to talk to him but i just need abit of space first.
a little time to think about things.

i do care about him, and i never wanted things to turn out like this but i was'nt happy been with him
have i done the right thing?
can anyone give me advice?

as for food, iv had 300 cals today so far.
no more than 500 thou :)
anyone fancie  fasting?

contact me:)

xx




26th May, 2008

Me (December)

Writer's Block: Lost & Found

my heart, i got my heart broken buy a guy a couple of years back and since then i lost everything.
now i cant trust anyone. espesh not guys. i cant be in a relationship because im too afraid to show my body without no clothes on
because i lost my confidence too. 
its sucks but i cant complain cus theres people out there alot worse than me.
:) xx

 

What have you lost that you wish you still had?
Me (December)

Day one :)

Heyyyy :)
well if you havnt read my profile, i want to become skinny.
yeah i know it sounds stupid and i bet right now your wondering wether to stop reading well i cant stop you lol so go if you dont want to read anymore.
but well these last few years have been the hardest years of my life so far, i know that im a teenager and there not suppose to be easy but i never thought things would be this hard. on top of all the other shit, my weight right now is a big issue and its really getting me down even more. im a curvy girl, im 5ft 11 ( i know im very tall for my age) and im a size 12 which im not happy about at all. and my hips arghh i really hate my hips. iv been on and off dieting for the past 2 years but i always go back to stuffing my face after a few days. they just never work for me. but im determind that this time it will work, because if it doesnt i really dont know what im going to do, i cant go on been like this. i want to be the girl i once was, happy and confident and by doing this i think it will really help. i know anorexia is a disease and a very serious one at that but i want this oppatunity to become anorexic. i want to look at myself in the mirror and smile. i want to be happy with what i am. this time i think i really am going to change. i will change. i will become anorixic.

if anyone has got any tips or advice please please contact me :)
i would be reallly thankfull.

thanks for reading.

Natalie xoxo

Me (December)

October 2008

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